Like A Memory It Falls
by onlycullensforme
Summary: After an unusually long sunny spell—and enforced close quarters—the Cullens welcome the rain and the chance it gives them to collect their thoughts about the past, present and future. Post BD. Multiple POVS. ON HIATUS
1. Prologue: No Rain

Like A Memory It Falls

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all characters. I just like them…. More than they like me… I also do not own "Kathy's Song." I'm just borrowing lyrics.**

Prologue: No Rain

It had been unusually sunny on the Olympic Peninsula for the past four days and the Cullens were getting restless. Alice kept a running countdown until the next storm came—currently fifteen hours, eight minutes, and 45 seconds—while watching Jasper and Emmett retool their chess game to cover half of the living room. Her visions were, thankfully, inconsequential. Emmett would lose the chess game but win the wrestling match. Bella would willingly ask to go shopping. Alice grinned and bounced in place for a moment, ignoring Edward's low chuckle. Emmett and Jasper exchanged bets and threats in the same breaths, promising each other that when the weather finally turned, they would take it outside. Their thoughts flickered between their games and their wives at the mercy of the Volturi. For Edward's sake, they tried to concentrate on the games.

Rosalie sat with Renesmee on the white loveseat, absently stroking the little girl's hair as they both looked at the latest edition of the owner's manual for Bella's blue Ferrari. Rosalie tried to focus on the installation methods for the sound system Edward insisted Bella have instead of the feel of Renesmee's weight in her arms and the wish for Renesmee to be hers. While grateful to Bella for saving them all from the Volturi—and for birthing Renesmee—Rosalie couldn't help but think that, somehow, the entire situation had been Bella's fault. Or, if not Bella's, definitely Edward's. And if Edward wasn't around to blame, the filthy mongrel Jacob Black was always an available scapegoat. Rosalie ran her fingers through Renesmee's curls, glad that the dog was outside "making the most of the sun."

Edward sat at his piano, absently running his fingers along the keys, not entirely in the mood to play due to his family's mercurial thoughts. He was not willing to give up on it quite yet, though; the piano was one of his favorite places to think, after all, and even absently played music was better than nothing. Bella kept distracting him, though she wasn't aware of it. She had been particularly quiet for the last four days, speaking only if spoken to and keeping her shield up. The Volturi's bid to harm not only Renesmee but the entire Cullen family was still too recent of a memory for Edward's liking and he suspected Bella was still thinking about what could have been. He wasn't far off the mark.

Bella's thoughts were, indeed, on her daughter and the Volturi. She was pondering Edward's remark that the family had survived because she, Bella Cullen, had frightened Aro. She shook her head at the thought and chuckled lightly. She could feel Edward's gaze as she laughed; she could always tell when he was watching her. She glanced at him and gave him a half-smile. He flashed her a crooked smile and opened his arms—an invitation she rarely refused. Once in his embrace, she rested her head on his chest and breathed deeply of his scent; it never failed to soothe her. Edward in turn breathed deeply of her and rocked her gently while humming her lullaby. He was always pleased when she would come to him. Bella smiled as he sang to her and reached up to gently kiss his throat. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head without breaking the melody. They would talk soon, but now was not the time for conversation.

Carlisle sat in his office, the thick volume on his desk forgotten as he gazed out the window and over the south side of the family property. His thoughts, too, were on the Volturi and the battle the family had faced. He finally understood why the Volturi, once close and dear friends, found his way of life strange, even repulsive. Where the Volturi were bound by lust of power or compulsion through Chelsea's gift, the Cullens were bonded through blood and venom. The Cullens _chose_ to remain together, chose to cling to humanity as much as they could. They cherished human life by allowing it to continue where the Volturi regarded humans as beneath them and little more than animals. Carlisle understood more clearly now Edward's prior hesitation to change Bella but still could not bring himself to agree with his son's motives. Aro was right about Bella being unusually suited to immortality and the vampiric lifestyle…

Carlisle heard Edward's low growl and qu ickly moved his thoughts along as Esme approached the closed door. She knocked lightly before entering and smiled at the sight of him behind his desk, so handsome and intelligent. He was everything she had ever wanted, the light in her darkness with Charles. Where Edward doubted the possibility of salvation for vampires, Esme knew that her salvation _was_ a vampire. Without Carlisle, she would have died alone and broken, unworthy of notice and certainly not missed by anyone. She understood better than anyone—even Edward with his mind-reading—the struggles of conscience with which Carlisle still wrestled. Ever the preacher's son, he never escaped the guilt of even _wanting_ to take human life. Despite his extraordinary control, he could still be tempted. What Esme didn't know—or had yet to realize in their eighty-plus years together—was she was still the most tempting thing in his universe. Carlisle stood and walked to her in one fluid motion so quick she almost missed it. He brought her into his embrace and walked with her in his arms to the landing overlooking the living room. They surveyed their children and smiled contentedly. They were all alive, all safe, all together.

When time is meaningless, it can pass quickly or with infinite slowness. Fortunately, the remaining fifteen hours before the coming storm passed quickly as Carlisle and Esme continued to watch their family and think of each other. Alice, having signaled to Jasper Emmett's next move, smiled to herself and ran to open the nearest door, letting the scent of the approaching storm waft through the house. The Cullens breathed deeply of the ozone and freshness and gathered at various doors and windows, watching the clouds roll in.

Renesmee clapped and squealed in delight as the first drops of rain hit the ground, then jumped for joy as the heavens began to pour forth as if it had never rained in Forks before. Rosalie grinned at the thought of Jacob being soaked, then frowned at the prospect of wet dog smell permeating the Cullen home. Emmett and Jasper smiled like little boys and charged outside to start the wrestling match; Alice followed behind shouting encouragement to Jasper. Bella and Edward stayed by the piano and watched out the front door, both preparing for their upcoming conversation. Carlisle and Esme retreated to their bedroom and opened the windows wide as they lay quietly content in each other's arms. Yet among their disparate activities, every Cullen adult had the same thought during the rain: _This is the life I always dreamed of having._

**A/N: This is the third story I have up, so I may not be updating soon. Unless, of course, you would like me to? **


	2. Carlisle: Soft and Warm, Continuing

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all characters. I just like them…. More than they like me… I also do not own "Kathy's Song." I'm just borrowing lyrics.**

_I watch the drizzle of the rain_

_Like a memory it falls_

_Soft and warm, continuing,_

_Tapping on my roof and walls._

CPOV:

I held my Esme close as we watched the rain slide down the few windows we had not opened in our room. The first rain after too much sun always put me in an introspective mood. I could see each individual raindrop and mark its path down the glass. Even in the thickest of downpours, individual raindrops held to their own courses, their own patterns. Each drop held the promise of nourishment to the ground below, the grasses and vegetation which sustained the animals on which I and my family fed. Esme knew my patterns well and kept her silence as I thought of our immediate future. I hoped Edward wasn't concentrating on me too much. I had a lot on my mind and did not relish the mental task of blocking him while still thinking through some potentially... unpleasant... matters. Fortunately, I had plenty of time to do so.

I had arranged for a two-week vacation from Forks hospital, informing them that I would be completely and utterly unavailable when the rain returned. I had not yet told them that we were leaving soon. I would do so when our plans were more concrete. According to Alice, Bella kept changing her mind about going to Dartmouth, so we had to explore other residences which meant tracking down records and making sure we had not been to these places too recently. The Pacific Northwest was officially one of my favorite places to live, even more so now after the several miracles that had occurred over the past two years, particularly Edward finding his mate and thus completing our family. I knew as soon as I heard about and then saw Bella that she was perfect for my son. His self-loathing ran deep, however, and continued, even now, to battle his love for and devotion to her and Renesmee.

Esme shifted in my arms and I looked down at her with a smile. She reached up and ran a hand through my hair; I closed my eyes against the sensation and hummed in pleasure. Her slightest touch thrilled me. I had been alone for so long before she and Edward came into my life. Edward was first, of course. I had changed him to fulfill his mother's last dying wish; Elizabeth Masen had somehow known I was beyond human. I also knew that Edward had nothing to live for and would have welcomed death after watching both his mother and father waste away. To say I was lonely would not do justice to my situation at the time. I had been alone for over 250 years. Though I was not without friends, I had yet to find someone who shared my vision about human life. The Denalis were still acclimating to that lifestyle, or had been around the turn of the 20th century when I had visited them. I had not been back again to see their progress before I went to Chicago and encountered the Masens. I wanted my own family. Not a coven. A family.

In the moment Elizabeth asked me to save her son, Edward became _my_ son. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him if I could do it. That included letting him walk away from me and my way of life for a long, terrible decade. I knew some of the headlines Esme and I read were his doing. I knew Esme had kept a book of the newspaper clippings—not out of celebration, but of her need--our need--to know where Edward was. She had already lost one son and to lose Edward was… excruciating. I had not realized how much I relied on him, and not just for his mindreading capability. Rather, Edward saw the world through a very… analytical… lens where I tended to see things more… emotionally. Aro, Caius, and Marcus always chastised me for "feeling too much" about the humans around us, about any creature, really. My stay in Italy so long ago had been most instructive that way and I swore again as I left Volterra that I would never drink from a human. The only human blood on my lips has been that of my wife and children. Even then, I did not drink from them. The blood was incidental, but I could still taste it if I thought about it. If I were brutally honest with myself--and I could be in the right, or wrong, mood--there were some days that were harder than others still. Even now after almost 400 years.

Esme's blood was the sweetest to me, though she was not my _cantante_. To my knowledge, I have not experienced the same type of bloodlust for a human that Edward did for Bella. The fact he controlled himself still astounds me, especially his control when Renesmee was born. He had not hunted for the entirety of Bella's pregnancy, nor had Rosalie. Edward told me later that Rosalie had almost lost her composure during Renesmee's birth, that it took Jacob to restrain her while Edward injected his venom straight into Bella's heart and then more conventionally introduced his venom into her bloodstream. I was too late to help; he had done all he could by himself, abandoned even by Jacob who had once offered Bella a "lifetime of servitude."

Watching Edward watch Bella during her transformation was agony. I couldn't decide if he needed a doctor or a father more; I couldn't decide which role was best for me, either. Once the transformation fully takes hold, there is no way to stop it. If we had been only minutes later in Phoenix, we would not have been able to stop Bella's change then. To make matters worse, there is no real way to know when and if a person will make it through the transformation. The person could die at any time; I had seen it. Bella's stillness had not helped the matter, either. I suspected it had something to do with the morphine and I was still waiting to ask her about it.

"What do we do now, Carlisle?" Esme asked, breaking my concentration. She brushed her hand along my jaw. I took her hand in mine and kissed the inside of her wrist, letting my lips linger for a long moment.

"Anything we want, my love," I murmured, trying not to lose myself too much in her.

"We're leaving soon, aren't we?" she asked, shifting to prop herself up on her elbow, allowing me to keep her other hand in mine.

"Yes, we should be on our way soon. We've been here longer than we've been anywhere else before. If we want to stay together, we must leave."

"Where are we going to go?"

"Alice says Bella is still thinking about Dartmouth, starting next semester, but she can't make up her mind. I think it would be best if we had several contingencies in place. Or maybe we could go to New Hampshire anyway. Edward and Bella already have a house there and I'm sure we could find something suitable."

"I _have_ missed the Eastern forests," Esme said. "Let's go there anyway."

"Let's wait to see what Bella says. She is the newest among us and she may have her own plans. She and Edward may want to be on their own for awhile."

"Renesmee is still growing. They can't stay away."

I smiled and smoothed her creased brow with one finger.

"They can make their own decisions. If that decision is to leave us, then we can wait for them."

"But Renesmee…."

"Renesmee is Edward and Bella's daughter, not ours. She will go with them, as will Jacob, I imagine."

"I won't lose another child. Not after the Volturi." The determination in her voice took me by surprise.

"We wouldn't be losing them, Esme. Rosalie and Emmett have gone off on their own, as have Alice and Jasper. They have always come back. Bella and Edward would be no different."

"You can't know that for certain," she whispered.

"No, I can't," I agreed. "I do know one thing for certain, though." I smiled the smile I reserved only for her and kissed the inside of her wrist again.

"And what do you know, Dr. Cullen?" she asked, a slight gleam in her eye.

"You are the best thing to have ever happened to me. For so long I thought I would be alone, without true companionship. Edward's company helped, do not misunderstand, but I never thought I'd find someone to love so completely. Without you, I… I don't know what I would do. Especially after what happened with the Volturi. Edward told me that I would have died last, watching everyone else die as slowly as possible. Felix and Demetri were to hold my eyes open to watch your death at Aro's hands."

I couldn't stop myself from telling her this. I never had secrets from Esme. What I knew, she knew.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I would have fought for you."

"I know." I could still see the image in my mind, a cursed blessing of perfect recall: Esme's beautiful, wide golden eyes fixed on me as she met her death at the hands of my one-time mentor and friend while I was held frozen and helpless as I watched her body join those of my children and friends in the fire. I doubted that I could or would ever trust the Volturi again. I would have to do all in my power to remain invisible to them, or as invisible as I could be.

"I think it will be good to leave Forks," I whispered. "Make some new memories somewhere else."

"I agree," Esme whispered back. I pulled her into my arms and on to my chest and breathed deeply of her scent. She was here, with me, safe, all I ever needed. Esme—my past, my present, and my future— nestled into me and remained still as I stroked her hair and watched and listened to the rain, thinking only of her.

**A/N: I'll keep writing anyway, but I really would appreciate it if you let me know you're there. One way or another. I had a hard time with this chapter, but I like the premise of the story (otherwise I wouldn't have posted it, ha ha). **


	3. Bella: The Shelter of My Mind

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. I just like them…. More than they like me… I also do not own "Kathy's Song." I'm just borrowing lyrics.**

_From the shelter of my mind_

_Through the windows of my eyes_

_I gaze beyond the rain drenched street_

_To a land where my heart lies._

_

* * *

_BPOV:

Our time in Forks was coming to an end. I knew it had to, given the recent… unpleasantness… with the Volturi only a few months ago. It was time to make memories elsewhere, to start a new life in a new place without the history. I knew I would never forget what happened here. My life, both as a human and an immortal, started in Forks. Edward calls what we have an existence, not a life, as we pretend to be human. I understand now how it is impossible to forget our nature. Even as we deny our thirsts, it only takes a human in the wrong place at the wrong time for the thirst to win. I understand now, too, how incredibly strong Edward was to keep me alive for so long, especially after what happened with James. Fortunately, that memory was a bit hazy, although I remember the pain.

I remember the pain of my transformation, too. It is as clear as I was warned it would be. I have yet to tell Edward or Carlisle that the morphine did not help. Rather, it held me captive to the darkness and pain, unable to call out and beg for death. I am hopeful that Edward would not have given it to me, as he is unable to deny me anything. Yet the morphine may have been the reason why I was able to stay still during my brief sojourn in hell and eventually come to my senses. I remember measuring time by Edward's breaths, a sound I would never mistake for any other. I knew he was there; my entire body reacted to him even during the pain. I had once thought that I did not want him with me through my transformation because my pain would ultimately be his pain. Yet I would not have made it through without him. He was, in a sense, always inside me now. I was literally his creation.

I smiled at that last thought.

I was alone at the moment; Edward was feeding Renesmee before she and Jacob went out to play in the rain. I could hear Edward singing to her and her musical giggle as he improvised her name into the song. I heard the rustle of Renesmee's skin on Edward's cheek and wondered what she was showing or asking him. He must have responded silently because I couldn't hear anything for quite some time. Then, footsteps into our room broke into my thoughts.

"Momma?"

I turned to Renesmee's voice and smiled. She still rarely spoke, preferring her silent communication when possible. Esme, Carlisle, and I were the only ones trying to change that, suggesting to Renesmee every now and then that she vocalize, just to get in the habit. While she would not attend school until she stopped growing physically, she would still be in public places with others where her… talent… would be too disconcerting.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I asked, walking to her.

She sat contentedly in Edward's arms and unleashed her most dazzling smile; it was crooked and perfect, just like Edward's. I briefly glanced up to find a matching expression on my husband's face. I couldn't stop my chuckle.

"I love you, Momma."

"I love you, too," I said softly, suddenly remembering the day I realized I was pregnant with her. Of its own accord, one of my hands rested on my abdomen while the other ran through Renesmee's bronze curls, yet another thing inherited from Edward. The only thing that I knew she had from me was my eyes, and those rightfully came from Charlie anyway.

Renesmee reached out and placed her hand on my cheek; I could feel her satisfaction and contentment as she replayed some of her happier memories. I smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She then turned slightly and planted a big kiss on Edward's cheek and squirmed to be put down. Edward released her carefully and she ran to find Jacob.

I turned back to watch the rain slide down the windows. I had missed the rain the last few days, especially with Emmett's constant complaining that we should be able to go outside on our own property on a sunny day. Alice had said that would have been a bad idea as a massive search was being conducted in the area for a fugitive criminal and we had helicopters over the property daily. Edward and Jasper had gone out one night to track the criminal and end the fly-overs. Jasper had made the man pliant while Edward called the authorities and left an anonymous tip. They both watched from the shadows of an alley in Seattle while the man was taken away; it made the news and the newscasters were shocked that the anonymous informants had not come forward to claim the million-dollar reward. Edward called the police the next day, identified himself as the tipster and requested that the money be forwarded to the nearest orphanage.

The feel of Edward's arms around my waist and his lips on my shoulder broke my spell. His touch is familiar and yet always new to me. His lips moved from my shoulder to my throat and finally to the hollow beneath my ear. His breath washed over me and I was, as always, his.

"Let's get out of here, love," he whispered.

I nodded once and we exited through the nearest open window. Though I can keep up with him now, Edward slung me on his back and ran in the familiar direction of our meadow. The rain had slowed to a drizzle and I lifted my head to its ministrations for a moment before turning my attention to Edward's neck. I remembered thinking as a human that nothing compared to the feel of his skin, especially his skin next to mine or under my lips. Now that I could truly feel him… there are no words. Truly.

Edward growled softly as I continued to kiss him while he ran. I smiled against him and kissed him more fervently, amused and enchanted by his reaction. I was only slightly aware of being in the clearing when Edward pulled me off his back and laid me down in the wet grass, his lips on mine before I could speak. I pulled him closer, intoxicated by his scent—amplified a thousand times over by the falling rain.

"Edward…." I managed when his lips left mine to work the skin along my neck.

"Yes, love?" he asked, lips hovering over mine as he gazed at me.

I recognized the hunger in his eyes and realized then how distant I had been in the last four days. I had barely touched or talked to Edward, or anyone in the family for that matter. Even Renesmee. I had retreated into myself, reliving with perfect recall the ordeal with the Volturi. True, it had been almost four months now, but sometimes it does take me a long time to process things. We had been so busy picking up the pieces and planning our next moves that the whole thing had yet to hit me. When the sun had broken through for more than a few hours at a time—and Alice said that it was here to stay for a while—I was either a statue, curled up on myself, lost to what could have been or holed up in Carlisle's study, lost in his books and learning what was now my history.

Edward had allowed me my distance and kept the family, especially Alice, away from me. He would occasionally place Renesmee in my arms and I would cling to her, using the sound of her thrumming heart to measure time. He knew I would come back and when I did, I would need him, and only him, to help me make sense of what I was thinking.

"I need you. All of you. Please?"

"Anything for you, love," he whispered before covering my mouth with his and pulling me even closer as the drizzle turned into a downpour.

Hours later, I lay on my back, using Edward's long form as a pillow while the rain continued to fall. We were rather impervious and indifferent to weather. Now, we could enjoy the rain together and, in truth, we just had. I'd never had so much fun in a rainstorm; the smell of the meadow and trees combined with Edward's unique scent kept me moving from one sensation to the next. Edward's roaming hands didn't make it any easier to concentrate. If I were honest, though, I didn't want to think about anything but him. I turned in his arms and captured his lips in a long kiss.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure," he replied, flashing me a crooked grin. "I've missed you."

"I'm sorry. I've been a little distracted."

"Don't be sorry, love. It's understandable." He stroked my hair then sat up, still holding me close. "We need to talk, Bella."

He could still dazzle me with those eyes and I simply nodded. I put my hands to his face and closed my eyes.

_Can you hear me?_"

"Yes, love," he murmured.

_We have to leave Forks, don't we?_

"Yes, we do."

_Where are we going to go? Are we going to all stay together? Should we go away separately with Renesmee and Jacob? I don't know if I can handle Dartmouth after all. I think I should wait. Please, Edward, I don't know… I just… I just don't know what to do._

"Shh, Bella. We don't have to figure it out today. We'll decide as a family. We have a bit more time."

_I can't stop thinking about the Volturi. I keep seeing what could have happened. I thought you said that we don't dream._

Edward kissed my forehead and smiled gently. "It's the curse of an infinite mind, love. We can remember our waking nightmares alongside our reality. We're safe. The Volturi will leave us alone for quite some time. And if they come for us again, we will be ready."

_This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so stubborn to have had Renesmee, we wouldn't…_

"Stop it." Edward's hands covered mine on his face; his touch broke my concentration and my shield snapped back.

"Stop what?"

"No self-loathing. That's my job." Edward winked and smiled crookedly. I couldn't stop my chuckle.

"You do have that down to an art now. It's way past a science," I retorted. He chuckled and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"You are the missing piece of our family, Bella. We are all complete with you. Yes, I was alone, but our family was not whole, either. With you, and especially with Renesmee, we are completely new creatures. We would all fight for you."

"So... what you're saying is that you really _do_ want me around forever."

He didn't catch my sarcasm, or chose to ignore it, and his eyes darkened and his lips turned down.

"You still doubt that? After everything? Bella…." He sighed and looked away.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean it. It was a bad attempt at a joke." My penchant for ill-timed self-deprecation had, unfortunately, survived my transformation.

"Please, don't joke about how I feel about you. I thought I had been proving myself...."

"Edward…."

He gently removed me from his arms and handed me my clothes, then stood and walked a few paces away. I dressed quickly, as did he, and stood to join him as he looked across the meadow.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Truly." I took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"I know. I just…. It took me a long time to accept this fate for you, Bella, and I still have fears that you will… regret… this decision," he said without looking at me.

"Look at me, Edward."

He looked down at me, his golden eyes meeting my crimson eyes.

"I will never regret it. I made my decision consciously, freely. This is my first move, my first experience with changing homes and identities. I think I have the right to be… thoughtful… about it."

"Yes, you do. I apologize, Bella. You know I tend to overthink and overanalyze."

"Yes, I know that. I love that about you, actually, but you need to trust us. Trust this." I wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned into him, thinking of another way I could let him know how much I wanted this life with him. I smiled as a passage from one of Carlisle's books flitted through my mind. I would have to ease Edward into it, though.

"I spent some time with some of Carlisle's books in the last few days. I think I'll enlist him as my personal tutor for the next century or so," I said, still smiling. Even with the prospect of unlimited time ahead of me, I don't know if I'd ever be able to read all of Carlisle's collection. Though, deep down, I wanted to start my own collection.

Edward chuckled and nodded. "Yes. If he were not so gifted a doctor, he'd be an insufferably brilliant professor of whatever he wanted to teach. I'm sure he'd be delighted to instruct you."

I smiled. "I found an original King James Bible. And you know me and old books."

"Yes, I do. What did you think of it?"

I decided he was talking about the content, so I answered that question.

"I'm no theologian or really much of a believer. Though, I _am_ convinced we have souls, at least you do."

Edward snorted. "If _I_ do, then _you_ certainly do, love. Tell me about the book."

"It's beautiful. It's amazingly well crafted, cared for almost lovingly, it seems. I recognized Carlisle's scent on it, Esme's, too, and a faint smell of earth and smoke."

"It belonged to Carlisle's father," Edward murmured. I nodded.

"There are two books in the Old Testament written about women, Ruth and Esther."

"Yes. They were amazing and strong women, whether or not they were real." I filed away his implication for conversation at a later time and continued with my thought.

"Ruth was particularly wise. I was thinking about something she said to her mother-in-law, and that… consumed… me for the past four days. At least that was part of what I was thinking about. And I realized I felt this way about you while I was human. I wish I could have articulated it then."

Edward turned to face me fully and brushed a hand along my jaw. I did not know how familiar he was with the Bible, but I was sure that if he had read it once as a vampire, he could recall it now.

"What did she say, love, that kept you in the shelter of your mind for so long?"

I couldn't help my smile and I reached up to touch his face, then brought him down to my level for a quick, soft kiss.

He grinned crookedly as I pulled away. I knelt and he followed me down, casting me a curious look as he did so. I laid my hands on his face and he encircled me loosely around my waist. I kept my eyes open and met his gaze as I opened my mind to him.

_ Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people…_

"And thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die," Edward whispered. "Bella." My name came out like a prayer.

"You are my life, Edward. I cannot be without you. You are my truth. You are the only one I will ever want inside of me, in all senses of that word. I may be… thoughtful… at times, but I will always let you know what I'm thinking. No more editing. If I can't speak it, I will show you."

He leaned in and kissed me with a soft but undeniable passion.

"What are you thinking now, love?" he asked, his voice low and hungry.

I smiled broadly and opened my mind again, knowing he could make what I saw in my mind a reality. A pleasantly slow and lingering reality.

_

* * *

A/N: Use your imaginations; it's better that way. This story is coming more slowly than the others, but I'll keep working on it, if only for the thrill of diving into characters' minds. Reviews are lovely, but really not necessary as I'm going to write anyway. Thanks for reading! –ocfm _


	4. Alice: Distracted and Diffused

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. I just like them…. More than they like me… I also do not own "Kathy's Song." I'm just borrowing lyrics.

* * *

**_My mind's distracted and diffused_

_My thoughts are many miles away_

_They lie with you when you're asleep_

_And kiss you when you start your day.

* * *

_Sometimes, I wanted to get rid of my visions for a more… normal… life, though I couldn't really call my life normal as it was now, or even as it had been when I was human. I remembered nothing of my human life, despite the few pieces of information I'd gathered over the last few decades. All I could see was darkness; all I could feel was emptiness when I thought of those missing years. I never knew my creator. The first thing I saw when I woke from my change was Jasper's face. I didn't know when or where I would see him, but I did remember my visions well enough to know that he was, and always would be, my future. It took me quite some time to find him—or for him to find me—but my vision never faltered. I had come to love rainstorms—and now was no exception—because of how we met in Philadelphia. I smelled him before I saw him and when I finally saw him… He was as beautiful in person as he was in my visions, scars and all.

I have my favorite scars, of course, but only Jasper and I know where they were and why I love them. He bears several scars received in my defense, even though he knows I am quite capable of fighting. He's seen me in action several times. None of them were as satisfying as helping him and Emmett finish off James. Jasper kept me out of the fray with Victoria's newborns. I had kept him away from the Volturi.

Nothing had been as excruciating as leaving my family the way we did, all of them believing that we had abandoned them. Or, worse, that _I_ had abandoned them only to save Jasper. Jasper's safety was a high priority, indeed, but I had seen the total destruction of my family and friends if I did not leave the way I did, if I did not convince Jasper that my actions were all about him. Their deaths would have been slow and grisly. Edward and Carlisle would have been the last two of the group, the others having been destroyed in the order of their creation, starting with Renesmee down to Esme. Bella's death was particularly… unsettling… to think about. She would have felt everything the Volturi would have done, incapable of lowering her shield under such duress to take "advantage" of the numbing power Alec would have provided. Then, after everyone else was burning, Edward would defend Carlisle to his own death, also slow and painful, piece by minuscule piece. Carlisle would be made to watch until the fires died out, then build his own pyre before Aro, Marcus, and Caius all descended and killed their one-time friend, gloating in the destruction of their perceived rivals. Jasper and I would have been hunted and either coerced into joining the Volturi or dying as our family had. I had seen neither of us within the ranks of the Volturi guard, so I assumed we would have chosen death.

I blinked the waking nightmare away and had a momentary flash of a conference in Volterra. The "brothers" sat in conference, eyes bright crimson after a glut of tourists, discussing the state of their… governance. Aro and Marcus agreed that we should be left alone for the time being, but watched as much as possible. Caius argued that we must all be killed, the La Push pack included, but his protests fell on deaf ears. For now. Aro wished for me again, preferably in trio with Edward and Bella, but there was nothing—not even Jasper's life—that would compel me to join the Volturi. Not after what I had seen.

Volterra left my sight and was immediately replaced by a vision of Bella and Edward in their New Hampshire home… christening… their new bedroom. I cringed and tried to hurry the vision along, though it didn't work. I noted that Bella had invested in new clothing for the occasion and remembered that she would ask me to go shopping soon. The image of my brother and sister-in-law morphed into a vision of me decorating their house, transforming an entire room into a wardrobe for Bella where Edward would have to make do with only a closet and chest of drawers.

I smiled and quickly thought of the periodic table in Russian, laughing at Edward's frustrated growl. He had been asking me constantly if Bella had made her decision on New Hampshire or not. They had talked recently about our impending move, but I guess Bella wasn't decided then. Besides, it was something we all needed to discuss as a family. Jasper or Bella would have to contact J. Jenks again and have papers drawn up, unless we all went to college… That would be a nice change, though it could look a bit suspicious.

"We'll talk about it as a family, Alice," Edward said in a strained tone from downstairs. "Don't get carried away."

"Fine," I answered softly. "I guess I won't tell you what I saw after all." I grinned as my brother growled again.

I skipped downstairs and perched on the arm of the couch where Edward and Bella sat watching the rain. Jasper and Emmett were on their fifth rematch since the storm started; Emmett would lose this one and I couldn't help my laughter as I saw a vision of Jasper dumping Emmett rather unceremoniously into the river. Edward chuckled and whispered to Bella what we saw. She laughed with us and we all laughed harder at the splash and Emmett's curses.

"Alice," Bella said softly. I turned my attention to my sister and smiled broadly.

"Yes, Bella?"

She grimaced and laid her head on Edward's chest for a moment while she chose her words.

"Would you…" she hesitated and looked up at Edward, who raised one eyebrow and looked between us.

"Would I what, Bella?" I asked, knowing what she was going to ask. I just wanted to make her squirm. She had never actually asked me to go shopping with or for her.

"Would you go… shopping… with me tomorrow, or the next day, so I can get some things?"

Edward chuckled and kissed her forehead as he wrapped his arms around her. I held back the excited squeal I knew she was waiting for and simply nodded.

"Of course, Bella. I'd be happy to go shopping with you. The rain will last for at least a month, so we can go any time you'd like. Are there any particular stores you'd like to go to?"

"I'll tell you when we go," Bella said softly.

"Hmm. I was thinking Victoria's Secret would be nice. There are a few things I was thinking Jasper might like. Well, you know… that he'd like _me_ in. For awhile anyway."

Bella couldn't blush anymore, but the mannerisms were still there, and they were still funny. You'd think she'd get over her embarrassment about being… intimate… with my brother now, but no. It was true that some things never changed for vampires.

"I think I'm… fine… in that area, Alice."

"Are you sure? I saw a particularly… feisty… ensemble in Edward's favorite shade of blue that you may want to consider."

I grinned and blocked the image—and my vision—of Bella in that outfit before Edward could pluck it out of my head. The vision was crystal clear and rock solid, so Bella would have the outfit one way or another.

"We'll talk… later… Alice," Bella growled at me, then turned to Edward. "Don't get any ideas, Mr. Cullen."

He held up his hands in protest and leaned in to kiss her forehead again.

"I had nothing to do with this conversation. I'm just here."

"Hmph." Bella settled back into his arms and Edward smiled.

_Edward_, I said mentally, hoping he would be discreet. We were good at these conversations. He looked up slowly, then back down just as slowly.

_I saw the Volturi. They've had a… conference… about us. It appears they're going to try to watch us, as much as they can. They still want us. You. Me. Bella. They'll wait. For now. We should leave Forks. Soon._

He nodded slowly again and tightened his grip on Bella ever so slightly.

_Act surprised when she tells you, but Bella has decided on New Hampshire, though not Dartmouth yet. But New Hampshire is a go. Maybe you should take her home for awhile._

Edward smiled and bent his head to whisper to Bella. I absently looked toward the door to provide at least the appearance of privacy, then froze. Jasper stood in the front doorway, rain dripping from every inch of him. He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head to remove as much moisture as he could. His scent was thick and heady, calling to me. He leaned against the doorway and extended a hand toward me. I couldn't move. Jasper smiled and beckoned to me.

"Come with me, Alice. Esme will kill me if I drip all over the floor."

"That's right, young man!" Esme called from upstairs. "I just finished cleaning up after Emmett."

We all laughed. Edward and Bella stood and flitted out into the rain without another word. I walked slowly up to Jasper and stood just out of his reach, looking shyly at the ground. He couldn't resist when I acted shy.

"Am I making you nervous, Mrs. Whitlock?" Jasper asked softly, the amusement clear in his voice.

"A little," I pouted, looking up at him and trying not to react to my name. He only called me that when he was feeling particularly… amorous. Must be the rain and everyone else's… ardor.

"My deepest apologies, ma'am," he drawled. "Please allow me to remedy the situation."

"I'm not sure that's possible, Mr. Whitlock," I said, stepping closer. "You see, you always make me slightly nervous."

He half-smiled and reached out to brush his hand along my jaw. I could tell then that he wanted this to be sweetly—and agonizingly—slow. Anything for Jasper.

"Tell me, Mrs. Whitlock," he continued, his voice low and silken. "Would you like to take a walk with me?"

"It's raining," I protested lightly. "My clothes will be ruined."

"What if I promised to get you new clothes. As many as I could carry."

I allowed myself a small smirk. Jasper didn't have to bribe me, but who was I to refuse?

"Maybe I could be persuaded, then. Is there somewhere specific you'd like to go?"

"Just come with me. We'll find our way together."

If my heart could beat, it would have stopped with those words. I had said them to him many times before, every agonizing day that he struggled with his thirst as we tried to find Carlisle in the early years of our relationship, every hour that we spent looking for Nahuel and Huilen, without knowing or seeing who or what we were looking for.

I put my hand in Jasper's. For so long he had followed me, led by my visions, reassured by my presence. Now, it was my turn to follow him.

And I would go anywhere and everywhere he wanted to go.

Forever.

* * *

_A/N: Wow! I know... it's been for-ev-er. My sincerest apologies. Thank you for sticking by me, though. Alice was more difficult than I thought she'd be and I'm not entirely pleased with it, but oh, well. I will try to update as soon as I can. I'm working on more material for Safe in Forks and doing some work for Postponing Damnation. I also have lots of material for a plethora of songfics, but those are on the backburner. I'm in the midst of a long academic writing project. My fanfic work is my reward for completing work on my academic project. So, no updates until/unless academic work gets done. _

_As usual, reviews are lovely and encouraged, but I will continue to write--when I can--for the mere pleasure of writing. If there is anything particular you'd like to see, let me know and I'll do my best to accommodate it here or in another fic. --ocfm_


	5. AN: Weary Paths

_Sorry. I hate it when an author's note takes the place of a chapter. So, I will keep this short._

_I need to go on hiatus until at least July. I need to concentrate on schoolwork and will also be researching material for a potentially extensive AH fanfic. While I like this particular story, it's at a standstill and the responsible thing to do is either to call it complete as it is, or take a break from it rather than force the material and end up hurting the story. I'm choosing to take a break. I have more ideas for this story, but only so much time. If there is anything you'd like to see, though, feel free to let me know in a review or PM. I'll do what I can to accommodate you, but not until July. ____  
_

_Thank you for reading. I apologize for disappointing you, but this is what is best for me right now. I will be back. I promise. _

_If you need things to read, check out my favorite stories on my profile or search for Daddy's Little Cannibal or Bronzehairedgirl620 or MartiniBaby1. Or, better yet, write your own stories! _

_Finally, I wish to express my condolences to the friends and family of Daddy's Little Cannibal. She will be missed._


End file.
